My Dearest Child,
Today, you stand at a threshold. I look at you, all dressed in white and promise, and I see the ghost of a little hand in mine, the echo of a thousand yesterday’s laughter. It feels like a lifetime, and yet, it has passed in a blink.
As you prepare to exchange your vows, my heart is full of a joy so profound it aches. I am so incredibly happy for you. And as your Dad, it’s my last, great privilege to offer you not just my love today, but a few pieces of the map I’ve gathered on my own journey. Not rules for a perfect marriage—because such a thing doesn’t exist—but guideposts for a strong one.
1. Remember, you are on the same team.
In the coming years,you will have disagreements. You will argue about finances, about plans, about whose turn it is to take out the trash. In those moments of friction, it’s easy to see each other as opponents. Please, don’t fall into that trap.
The problem is the problem.Your partner is never the problem. Face every challenge shoulder-to-shoulder, not nose-to-nose. Your goal is not to win the argument, but to win for the team.
2. Protect your friendship above all else.
Romance is the beautiful flower,but friendship is the deep, strong root system. It’s what remains when the glitter of the wedding day has settled. Be each other’s safest place to land. Laugh together, often. Be the person they can tell their silly secrets and their deepest fears to. Never stop dating. Never stop being curious about the person they are becoming.
3. Love is a verb, not just a feeling.
There will be days—and this is normal—when you won’tfeel in love. Your feelings will ebb and flow like the tide. On those days, act in love.
Love is making the coffee when you’re tired.It’s listening when you’d rather be scrolling. It’s choosing kindness when you feel like being right. The feeling will follow the action. Love is what love does.
4. Speak each other’s language.
You two are different people,wired to give and receive love in unique ways. Learn their language. Does a clean kitchen speak louder than a dozen roses? Does a hug communicate more than a solved problem? Pay attention. Love them in the way they feel it most deeply, not just the way you prefer to give it.
5. Build a home of grace, not perfection.
You will make mistakes.You will disappoint each other. You will say the wrong thing. The goal is not a perfect, conflict-free life. The goal is a home filled with grace—where apologies are given freely, forgiveness is offered quickly, and failures are never held as weapons. Let your marriage be a soft place to fall.
6. Never stop building your own life, too.
The healthiest marriages are made of two whole people.Don’t lose yourself completely in the “we.” Keep nurturing your own dreams, your own hobbies, your own spirit. Your individual growth will only make your partnership richer and more interesting.
Finally, my child, always carry this truth in your heart:
A strong marriage isn’t one where two people live for each other. It’s where two people choose, every single day, to build a beautiful life alongside each other.
You are a blessing. You have chosen well. Seeing the person you’ve become and the partner you’ve found is the greatest joy of my life.
Today, I don’t just give you away. I welcome a wonderful new son/daughter into our family, and I watch with a full heart as you begin the great adventure of building your own.
With all my love, now and always,
Your Joyful Daddy
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