❤️ Lessons on Love I Learned from My Father (or Wish I Had)
How our childhood shapes the way we love—and how we can reshape it with awareness and grace
Love is something we all long for, yet many of us never had it clearly explained or gently taught. Instead, we learned love by watching the people who raised us—especially our fathers.
Some fathers love quietly.
Some love through hard work.
Some love imperfectly.
Some struggle to show love at all.
And sometimes, the greatest lessons come from what we did receive.
Other times, they come from what we didn’t.
This is a reflection on the lessons about love I learned from my father—or wish I had learned—and how they’ve shaped who I am today as a partner, a parent, and a person.
🌱 Lesson 1: Love Is Shown Through Responsibility
Growing up, my father may not have said the words “I love you” often, but he showed it in ways I didn’t understand until adulthood.
He showed it by waking up early for work.
He showed it by fixing things around the house.
He showed it by being there in the ways he knew how.
It took me years to realise that responsibility is a form of love.
Showing up every day—even when tired—is love.
But this lesson also taught me something else:
Sometimes people give the best they can with the tools they have.
And that is still love.
🌱 Lesson 2: Silence Doesn’t Mean Absence
Many fathers, especially in older generations, believed love should be silent and strong.
But silence can confuse a child.
As a child, I sometimes wished my father would speak more—share his thoughts, ask about my feelings, tell me when he was proud.
But while he didn’t say much, he was present.
That presence—consistent and steady—taught me that love doesn’t always come in big declarations.
Sometimes it’s in the quiet company.
Sometimes it's in sitting together without words.
Sometimes it's in knowing someone will always be there.
Silence isn’t always a lack of love.
But as adults, we can choose to blend presence with expression.
🌱 Lesson 3: What I Wish I Learned About Emotions
My father gave many things, but emotional openness wasn’t one of them.
I wish he taught me that:
it’s okay to say “I’m hurting”
it’s okay to be soft AND strong at the same time
Instead, like many boys, I grew up being told:
“Be strong.”
“Don’t cry.”
“Don’t show weakness.”
But suppressing emotions doesn’t make us strong—it makes us disconnected.
As an adult, I had to unlearn this.
I had to teach myself how to open up, communicate, and be emotionally present.
This journey made me realise that love requires expression—not just action.
🌱 Lesson 4: Breaking the Cycle and Becoming Better
Every generation carries both wisdom and wounds.
Some of the ways my father loved were beautiful.
Others, I decided, would not continue with me.
I chose to break cycles by:
saying “I love you” more often
being patient with my child’s feelings
apologising when I’m wrong
being both present and emotionally available
showing love in ways I wish I received
This isn’t about blaming him.
It’s about learning, growing, and giving the next generation a better foundation.
We don’t have to repeat everything we received.
We can honour the past while building a healthier future.
🌱 Lesson 5: Forgiving the Imperfections
One of the greatest lessons I learned is this:
Our parents did their best with what they knew.
My father wasn’t perfect.
He had his flaws.
He made mistakes.
There were moments I didn’t understand him.
But now, as an adult—and especially as a parent—I see things differently.
I see his sacrifices.
I see his fear and stress.
I see the pressure he carried but never spoke about.
I see the love hidden behind his exhaustion.
Forgiving him didn’t erase the past—it freed me to love better today.
🌱 Lesson 6: Gratitude for What Was Given (And What Wasn’t)
Some lessons my father taught me directly.
Others came from absence, silence, or mistakes.
Both shaped me.
What he gave me taught me strength.
What he couldn’t give me taught me compassion.
Both made me the person I am today.
I learned that love isn’t just inherited—it’s crafted.
It’s chosen.
It’s built over time.
And most importantly:
We are allowed to evolve beyond the limits of our upbringing.
❤️ Final Reflection: Becoming the Love We Needed
If you had a loving father—honour him.
If you had a complicated father—understand him.
If you lacked fatherly love—heal from it.
If you are now a father yourself—grow from it.
Every father leaves us with lessons—some treasured, some painful, some unfinished.
But our story doesn’t end with what we learned as children.
We have the power to:
love differently
love more openly
And in doing so, we can become the kind of parent who gives the next generation what we wished we had…
and what we’re grateful we received.
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